Speechless

I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning. I didn't feel well when I woke up, and as the day went on I started to feel worse. My face and forehead were aching with sinus pressure, and by noon my eyes were watering and I was practically putting my head down on my desk. I felt like reheated doody by 3:30, so I left my office, and drove home. Normally, I pick the kids up as early as possible, but today I took advantage of the fact that their school is open until 5:15, took some advil cold and sinus, and lay down on my bed for awhile. When it became clear I wasn't going to feel better, I hauled myself up, and looked in the fridge. I had planned to make a chickpea and raisin dish over rice for dinner, but I didn't feel up to cooking, and what's more I wasn't even hungry. Andy's working late tonight, so I only really had to get food in the kids. There wasn't much in the fridge in the quick and easy category, and what there is I need for the kids' lunch tomorrow. So I decided to swing by the grocery store before I picked up the kids and get them something that required minimal cooking for dinner. In the grocery store, I run into another parent I know from the daycare my kids attend. She says hi, I say hi. She makes a joke about running down the daycare clock to get dinner shopping done, and I laugh back at her. Out of the corner of my eye I see a woman in a bright white puffy coat listening to us chat. I don't really think anything of it at the time. I pick a box off the shelf and put it in my basket. A minute later, I'm standing in the tea aisle, looking to see if they have this particular kind of minty tea that I like when I'm sick, with a shopping basket over my arm. In the basket are the two things that I have decided to purchase for the kids for dinner. Internet, I am going to admit to you: those two items were a box of macaroni and cheese and a package of hot dogs. I know! I should be ashamed. At least, the woman in the white coat thought so. She comes and stands next to me, and studies the tea. Then, she looks at me awkwardly, as if to catch my eye. I've never met her, and I work with crazy people for a living, so I'm pretty good at not letting my eye get caught. As I am about to leave the tea section, she says "excuse me", so I turn around. Readers, what I am about to relay to you is 100% true to the best of my recollection, but I was so surprised by it that I can't remember exactly what she said, so I'm paraphrasing. She said "I'm so sorry, and I know I shouldn't say anything, but this is a subject I'm just so....passionate about... and I really think it's so important, for the children (yes! she said, "for the children"!)...I just noticed that you bought those organic hot dogs and macaroni and cheese and I just think it's such a shame, I mean, it's not your fault, you're just a victim of the marketing of the big corporations, but even if you buy the organic kind it's still hot dogs and macaroni and cheese, and it so unhealthy, it's killing our children, you might as well as feed them bleach and lighter fluid. I mean..." Perhaps it was the expression on my face but she trailed off a bit after she said the part about the bleach and the lighter fluid. To say that I was shocked is a bit of an understatement. It's not, actually, that I think she's totally wrong. In fact, I think she's mostly right. I had chosen a box of Annie's whole wheat shells and white cheddar and a package of Applegate farms 'the great organic hotdogs', but yeah. I get it. The difference between what I was buying and kraft dinner and ballpark franks is more or less that the items in my basket were more expensive. I am not under the impression that buying the organic version of processed foods makes them healthy, or that my kids should eat this type of food every day, or anything of the sort. Not that it makes a difference - last I checked, I'm free to feed my kids scrapple and chili fries three meals a day, if I want. I just thought it was funny. First, I totally see the irony of the situation and invite you to join with me in laughing at myself. I can be pretty ridiculous about food myself - I'm the person that buys organic milk for 9.39 a gallon (if my friend Joy reads that, she'll have a stroke) because I'm paranoid about hormones and antibiotics in my kids' food, and in fact I literally live here in Lakeville because Andy has built a career on making commercial food service more natural, local and organic. So to find myself on the receiving end of a lecture about processed foods in the grocery aisle is pretty funny. It's actually hilarious. I also have been guilty of judging other people's food choices - all the time! admit it, you do too. I used to shop at BJs (back in the day, when we had a BJs within reasonable driving distance. sigh). I've seen what people put in their carts. I've looked at an economy sized package of totinos pizza rolls and thought something similar. But I would never, ever, in a million years, even after drinking 5 margaritas and watching 'food inc' on netflix, SAY SOMETHING to another woman, in a store! It also gave me a smidge of insight into why many Americans don't like liberals (or progressives, as we like to call ourselves). Come on, lady. Bleach and lighter fluid? Giving my kids a processed dinner when I'm feeling sick is not a crime. Feeding my kids hot dogs and macaroni and cheese from a box every night? for months and months on end? Sure, we'd have a problem there. It would be a lousy nutritional choice, but even people who make lousy nutritional choices love their children and shouldn't be accused of literally killing them by serving them dinner. I have been accused of being a humorless scold countless times - not just about food, but about lots of things. But today, having experienced an ACTUAL humorless scold, I totally get it. I mean, I'm not going to run out and vote for Santorum or anything, But I get it. It's annoying. By the way, the kids both got green beans in addition to their hot dogs and macaroni, and both ate every bite.