My son desperately wants to be an only child.

We have moved onto our third child care solution since I went back to work (which is impressive, in that I've only been back to work 7 months). As you may recall, we started with a babysitter that came to our house (expensive, but worth it. I couldn't bear to put my 12 week old in a daycare), and that was a great experience. When the fall came and our nanny had to go back to school, Owen was 6 months, and I was feeling a little better about a group childcare situation. So we put him in a family daycare. That, honestly, didn't go as well. I was never quite happy there, despite the plusses of proximity to our house and a reasonable price. But as the fall wore on, and I was beginning to investigate different daycares, a coworker of mine had a baby. She lives down the street from us, so we decided that we would share the cost of a nanny between us. There was a slight scheduling issue in that I work 4 days a week and she works 5 - but she works shorter days. I work 7:30-5:30(+) She works 7:30 to 4. So what we did was to hire a nanny 4 days a week, for her (my coworker's) work hours. Then, she comes home and watches our two kids for two hours until Andy or I can pick Owen up, and on Fridays, I watch her daughter along with Owen. So, the system is good: she does a little babysitting, I do a little babysitting, and we get all the advantages of a nanny when we're at work without the private nanny pricetag.

So anyway, I provide all this backstory because this week was the first week of the new childcare arrangement and the first Friday that I had Clara, who at this writing is (I think) either 16 or 17 weeks old. What I learned from today was really just confirmation of what I already knew: I had (have) an incredibly difficult baby. Taking care of Clara was so EASY compared to how Owen was at that age. She only cried for identifiable reasons (hungry, tired) and stopped crying quickly when her needs were met. She also responded in the way her mother told me she would to the interventions I administered: (tired, give her pacifier. She will sleep. Hungry, bottle. Dirty, change. etc.) The rest of the time, she hung out in the baby gym or the bouncy seat, watching the world go by, giggling at toys, batting at dangly things, chatting with us in her little 4 month way, and watching Owen play. (She also, I hear, sleeps through the night. oh, the humanity!)

Me: stunned. This is not my experience of 4 month olds. Not at all. You may recall that Owen cried for the first six months of his life. And to prevent him from crying, he had to be held or entertained or fed (have we mentioned the eating every hour and a half for the first four months?) every single second of every day - not to mention, up all night chowing from the all-night-mom buffet. Now, he's equally high- well, everything. High-maintenence, high-energy, high-strung. Watching Owen is like running a marathon. You know there's a rewarding end coming, but you're not so sure you're enjoying the process. In fact, truth be told, you kind of want to die.

Which explains, I think, why Andy looks like he's standing in the path of an oncoming train every time someone mentions "the next one". Infancy has not been kind to us, and that makes me a little bit sad. I wanted to enjoy my maternity leave, but the truth is, I did not. I probably cried as much as he did. And while it has gotten easier, he is still a much more challenging 10 month old than most people have. He's a happy kid, but boy, is he a handful. You know you're in for it when at your 9 month old well baby checkup, the nurse recommends a book called "Parenting your spirited child". I'm not kidding.

Anyway, I started out feeling a little bit envious, but I'm not going to really let myself do that. I am trying to just appreciate my son for who he is - a high-everything child. Later in life, those aspects of his personality - easily bored, constantly seeking stimulation and challenge, boundless physical energy, curiosity, intensity - that are so frustrating now, - will hopefully serve him well. I hope that Andy and I can help him use his powers for good instead of evil. And I am thankful that he's healthy. Our problems could be a whole lot worse. But man, I am tired!

Seriously though, next kid, I'm laying off the coffee while I'm pregnant. Just in case.