24 week malaise

I'm sure it comes as no surprise that I'm no fan of being pregnant. First of all, I don't do pregnant well. I'm insanely jealous of the women who manage to look like they swallowed a basketball the entire time, and I've come to realize it's a function of how long your torso is. I've got an extremely short torso, which means I get pregnant basically from my shoulders to my hips, where as women with more length tend to have the more recognizable, low pregnant belly. Yes, eventually (around 8 months) I get to the point where people can tell right away, but before that I could very well just be hefty and carry the extra weight in a really unfortunate way. Given the number of people I encounter that are genuinely surprised to discover I'm pregnant, I've been forced to conclude that's what people are assuming. Note: when someone tells you they're 6 months pregnant, "oh, REALLY? I didn't even realize! That's great! Boy or girl?" Is so, so, so not the right response. The last thing someone who has gained 15 pounds concentrated in the front wants to hear is that no one can tell she's pregnant. Aesthetics aside, I also tend to get testy. My normally misanthropic personality gets positively caustic in the presence of human growth hormone. If I'm the (pre redemption) grinch at baseline, pregnant I'm practically Voldemort.

So, anyway, I'm 24 weeks and sick of it already. Weeks 20-30 are in my opinion the worst. I'm big enough to be uncomfortable, far enough along that the novelty has completely worn off, but there's really no end in sight. This baby is coming near the end of January. That's three major holidays away. Four, if you count Halloween. There's no light at the end of the tunnel yet.

Moreover, I'm back to work full time. Which is crappy. But really, there's no good solution to the work question - any thing less than full time is no good for me professionally (especially if I'm seriously plotting a course out of the trenches and into administration, or looking to take my career in a more managerial direction) not to mention financially. At part time, I might as well have gotten a big sign that said "marginalize me" and pinned it to my (giant) shirt. At the same time, full time is a killer personally. Our quality of life was so much better at part time. We actually had something cooked for dinner more often than not. Cooked. for dinner! That's pretty unheard of when I'm working. Finally, I think (no, I'm certain, actually) what bothers me most about working full time is the fact that it completely eliminates the ability to go to the gym. I will be the first to admit that I go to the gym primarily for the mental health benefits. My mood is affected by exercise the way some people's is affected by prozac. It has a powerful effect on my outlook on life. But honestly, working full time just means it's impossible to fit in. The gym babysitting doesn't open until 8am. No good, as I need to be at work by 8. By the time I pick up Owen from school, we almost never walk in the door before 5:45. Then I have at most 1 1/2 hours to feed him, bathe him, and generally orient him to who his parents are before it's time to do stories and bed. Then at 7:30, I suppose I could go to the gym, but frankly, at that point - by the time I got there it'd be close to 8, and that's just too late for me. On most nights, I am ready to crawl into bed by 9:30 because (have I mentioned this? Ever?) my kid refuses to sleep after midnight. So Andy and I usually get a few solid hours between 9:30 and 12:30 and then we're pretty much awake with bursts of cat napping until 6 or so when it's time to get up anyway. If you can find a reliable way to get a workout in in this scenario, please share. Because I have failed miserably. When I was part time, we went every day. I worked out from 8-9, and then Owen and I either went in the pool or to indoor playground from 9-10. It was great. It's not a coincidence that I started to be extremely resentful of this pregnancy (see beginning) right around the time I transitioned to full time. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that one.

so, anyway. that's the update as of today. I'm large, cranky and overtired, which isn't a great combination. The only bright spot in the crank-fest is that we have weekends back now. My goal is to make sure we do something fun as a family every weekend between now and initiating the launch sequence of baby boy cox #2. Whether I feel like it or not.